Beaver Boy and Coolkid
by godtech
Summary: This is the tale of two awkward teenagers just trying to get through high school and life in general. Nothing special. Nothing new. But definitely not unnoticed. ONESHOT DaveJohn


Beaver Boy and the Coolkid

By godtech

Headcanon/plot by pyrates on tumblr

- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 15:13 -

TG: yo egbert

EB: hey dave!

TG: so whats the update for today

EB: haha nothing much. i just got home from another uneventful day of school!

TG: uneventful huh

TG: finally man ive been out since forever

TG: totally not waiting for you to come on

TG: just chillin

EB: dude, you're only like 2 hours ahead of me, chill! time zones, dave.

TG: i AM chill

TG: im as chill as a frozen batman popsicle stick in antarctica in the middle of winter

TG: if only i had a pair of sick shades to complete the cool factor

EB: sure.

TG: yeah ok whatever so check it out

TG: while you were gone the amazing dave strider here made amazing progress on my hellacious webcomic

TG: it's a wonder i don't get paid for the magic that comes from these digits

EB: don't you ever have homework or anything? how do you ever have time for all this! every day i get hounded and my teachers are always lecturing the class about work ethics and stuff.

TG: yo i aint dr phil

TG: i got my share of that shit too

TG: itll take care of itself ok

TG: right now we got important stuff to take care of

TG: like that girl you said youve been eyein

EB: yeah, no, i don't think it's going to work out.

TG: woah what why not

EB: uh, it's sort of embarrassing….

TG: yeah ok who am i going to tell

TG: oh yeah thats right no one

EB: ugh, ok fine. i sort of tripped in the hallway in front of her and she totally saw and oh my god i'm going to die now. she's too cool for me.

TG: so you think shes not gonna like you cuz you tripped in front of her?

EB: yeah.

TG: ok heres me narrowing my eyes in suspicion

TG: im not buyin it

TG: is that the whole story?

EB: …..

TG: yeah ok spill it

EB: uhh, dave, i'd rather not say, so let's change the subject!

TG: dude no

EB: so i'm learning about acceleration in physics!

And that's how it usually is with John Egbert and Dave Strider. This is the tale of two awkward teenagers just trying to get through high school, and life in general. Nothing special. Nothing new. But definitely not unnoticed.

"Hey, Beaver Boy!" yells the big man on campus, throwing an arm roughly around John Egbert's shoulders. This kid should record his life and sell it to a soap drama, because was his life a big pile of sorry! "What's in the bag? Pile of woodchips for lunch?"

"Quit it, Jack…" John proclaims, although with a little less confidence than he would have liked.

"Or what, you'll gnaw through my arm?" taunts Jack, snickering obnoxiously. This is Jack the Ass and his crew of bullies, which consists of a large brute, the tall son of a corrupt dignitary, and a midget droll who tells THE lamest jokes. Heck, John's grandmother can tell better jokes that he can, and she's dead! Jack was notorious for beating up all the gangs in the neighborhood. He had a scar on his eye as a reminder of how he lived to tell the tale. Everyone feared him. At least, almost everyone.

"Knock it off, you Neanderthals," a familiar voice pipes up from behind. Jack turns around, with you still under his perfume-y pits being dragged along. Oh, thank goodness! Rose Lalonde to the rescue! Jack huffs before letting you go, dropping you on the ground like a sack of potatoes. He knew better than to mess with Rose the Witch.

"Hmph. Smell ya later, Bucky!" Jack always had to have the last say. He sauntered off, his crew following suit.

"Thanks, Rose," John says, sighing as he got up from the floor and wiped his clothes off. "But I could have handled them!"

"Whatever you say, John," she says, giving him a small smile with her black-stained lips. It wasn't a mystery as to how those witch rumors started about Rose. She was always dressed in black, although it wasn't goth. John thought it was pretty classy! No one else understood her like he did, he supposed. Although… There has been a strange connection about the people who make fun of her and their suddenly occurring, strangely vivid nightmares after the event. Something about mutant, flesh-eating purple Squiddles… Rose doesn't even try to deny the rumors, but then again, she's never cared much for about what other people thought about her.

John got to know her when she saved him (it became a sort of daily ritual) from Jack once, and he later on spread some nasty rumors about the two of them. It's died down by now, but Jack still brings it up once in a while just to make a point. If he had his way, he'd probably have stabbed everyone at least thirteen times in the chest. John probably wouldn't mind it though. He and Rose together, he means. He thought she was really nice and pretty, and the light always hits her in all the right places and oh god what is he even thinking about!

"So, Rose, still working on that story of yours?" he asks, trying his best to make pleasant conversation.

"Hmm, yes, the progress is slow, but time is what every raconteur must endure," she replies, closing her eyes thoughtfully. The two then proceed to converse about her endeavors on becoming a published author. The only thing John understands is that the story is about wizards and he merely nods his head in acknowledgment every time she pauses.

Little to John's knowledge, another awkward boy was eavesdropping just around the corner. It's about time to introduce him too.

His name is Dave Strider, and he may or may not be a stalker. Alright, he isn't, but he's approaching the line quite quickly. This might be the day. This might be it. He was going to talk to Egbert today. He took a step…. and walked in the opposite direction. Nope, today was not the day. It wasn't in the stars.

- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:34 -

EB: honey, i'm home!  
>TG: oh sweetheart there you are!<p>

TG: ive been waiting all day you jackass

EB: don't you have baseball practice today?

TG: nah coach got sick

TG: but you bet your ass ill be haulin ass next week to make up for lost time

EB: ugh, man you have all the time in the world anyway

TG: yeah ive got time

TG: just like how youve got time to

TG: talk about that girl

EB: dave!  
>TG: dude just tell me<p>

EB: ugh

TG: i paid for the whole seat

TG: but im only using the edge of it

EB: ok fine. look, i am trying to stop liking her.

TG: really now

EB: yeah, i think she's out of my league anyway.

EB: she's super smart and…

TG: yeah and?  
>EB: she friendzoned me today.<p>

TG: oh snap

EB: yeah

TG: aw dawg im sorry

EB: nah, it's ok. it was only a crush.

TG: crushes can grow into infatuation you know

EB: haha i thought you weren't dr. phil!

TG: today i am

TG: hey so anyway since you cant get the ladies

TG: you should go for the dudes

EB: are you… suggesting i date guys?

TG: no donkies you dumbass

TG: of course dudes!

TG: use your head egbert

EB: i'm not a homosexual!

TG: how would you know if youve never been in the situation?  
>EB: uhhhhhh.<p>

EB: i guess….. you have a point…

TG: yeah see so there

TG: now lets talk about something else im starting to feel like lalonde here

EB: actually, lets talk later! i have a project due soon that i need to work on.

TG: sure but when youre done you need to evaluate this new rap im working on

EB: alright. bye, dave!

- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:52 -

Well, that went a lot better than he had originally planned. Looks like Dave can finally rela-

- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:53 -

TT: Dave.

TG: oh god no please

TT: We need to discuss your situation.

TG: no i do not need your advice right now

TG: i got it all under control

TT: I doubt it. How are things progressing?  
>TG: fine without you doc freud<p>

TT: Dave, I am your friend. Let me help you.

TG: yes you introduced us and that is all the help i need thank you very much

TT: I did more than that today.  
>TG: oh yes your friendzoning i heard all about that<p>

TT: Ah, I see John has already informed you of today's events.

TG: yeah i guess i should thank you for that too

TT: I suppose so.

TG: yeah ok thanks you happy now?  
>TT: Mildly.<p>

TT: However, I don't understand why you still keep up this whole Texas charade up. Why not just tell John the truth?  
>TG: oh my god do you know how much of a dbag i would look like<p>

TG: there would be a colossal shitstorm heading my way

TG: although i should

TG: because

TG: i love him

TT: I know.

TT: I shall leave you to dwell in the epicenter of your own demise then. John and I shall be working on a project together.

TG: woah what he didnt mention that

TT: Not to worry, I shall keep this strictly professional.

TG: hey wait no

- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 18:14 -

The next day, Dave sits just far away enough to stalk I mean casually watch John eat his lunch and chat with his friends in the cafeteria. Jack and his crew are also sitting nearby, closer to you than to him. However, they seem to be watching John too. He overhears them snickering.

"Did you do it?" Jack asks the midget, who giggles annoyingly.

"Sure, did, boss! Slipped a few peanuts in Beaver Boy's sandwich when he wasn't looking!" says the droll.

Peanuts? Wait… isn't Egbert…?

Dave suddenly stands up, startling a few people around him. He's running over to John to warn him, but it's too late. John is bent over on the floor and his skin is swelling. His glasses have somehow fallen off, too. He seems to be choking and wheezing, and Dave is so, so horrified. He immediately runs out and into the nurse's office, pulling her in with a frantic plea towards the cafeteria.

It happens so fast. She carries John, still wheezing, away. The crowd that was gathered is now dispersing. Dave stands there, shaking. He looks up and sees Jack snickering to his friends, passing something around. You squint and you realize what they are: John's glasses. He can feel the blood boiling in his body as his hands curl into a fist. He takes a step towards them, but a hand appears on his shoulders to stop him. He turns around to find Rose standing behind him.

"Dave," she warns. "Don't do anything drastic."

"No promises," he replies, eyes locked on his targets.

* * *

><p>After school, Dave grabs his baseball bat from his locker. He had serious business to attend to. He finally finds Jack the Ass and his crew sitting at the benches, probably planning which liquor store to raid next. Smug bastards. He calls out to them.<p>

"Well, well, look who's showed up," jeers Jack, placing his hands on his hips. "Dave Strider the Coolkid from hell. Going out for baseball practice already? You sure you can see anything with those freaky demon eyes of yours?" Jack eyes the bat warily.

"Shut it, Jackass!" demands Dave. "That peanut shit was not funny. Your fucking _crew_ almost killed that kid today!"

"Relax!" Jack says, throwing his hands up defensively. "The kid's alright. Gone home crying with his daddy, too!" At that, the others chuckle, slightly amused. "What's it to you anyway? You don't even know each other."

"I don't have to know him to know what you did was fucking stupid," replies Dave, stepping closer. "Just like you."

At that, Jack becomes enraged. His gets up, whipping out his army knife and holding it towards Dave.

"Looking for trouble, Coolkid?" he asks, the ends of his mouth twitching into a smirk. The others are also prepping for the showdown.

"Already found it," says Dave. He dashes towards them, clutching his bat like a sword.

* * *

><p>"Son, there's someone here that wants to see you," says Mr. Egbert, stepping aside to let a boy into his room. The first thing John notices about him is that he has a giant black eye, and his body is marked with bleeding cuts and bruises everywhere.<p>

"Hey," says the stranger, putting a hand up to wave. "I'm Dave Strider. From school." Mr. Egbert leaves the two of them alone. Dave is relieved to find that John is looking less shaken and that his skin has returned back to normal.

"H-hi!" John replies, blinking and waiting for the thought to process. "Woah, this is really weird, I have a friend named Dave Strider too!"

"Really?" Dave replies smoothly, but on the inside, he's kicking himself for letting it slip. "Wonder if he's as cool as me." This elicits a laugh from John.

"I bet you two would get along really well! He's always going off about how cool he is. But he lives in Texas." John grins and Dave's heart skips a little. "Yeah, anyway, so. What are you doing here? And what's with the black eye?"

"Right, yeah. Here," he hands John a pair of broken glasses and a card. It's a simple piece of paper folded in half with the words "I'm Sorry" scrawled on the front in messy handwriting. He opens it up and gives it a quick read. He almost tears up. Almost.

It's as close to a heartfelt apology letter as anyone could get from Jack the Ass. Heck, it's even signed "j4cK thE A55" and a couple of other names, probably from his entourage of bullies. At least, that's what it looks like it says. Dude's got chicken scratch writing.

"Tracked those assholes down and beat the shit out of them. Got them to do this half-assed apology too," Dave explains.

"Wh-what! Did they do that to you too?" John gestures towards Dave's black eye. He touches his eye reflexively.

"No big deal, I'm used to it," he replies. "Anyway, I'm pretty damn sure they won't be bothering you again, Egbert. Even shoved the midget into a locker. Sorry about your glasses though."

"No! It's okay," John looks down at them. The lenses are cracked, and the frame was a bit scratched, but it wasn't anything serious. It was salvageable. The two of them are silent for awhile. Dave stands there awkwardly, not really knowing how to carry on the conversation. Not knowing if he should spill the beans. Not knowing until.. John's shoulders start shaking.

"Woah there, buddy!" Dave sits down on the edge of John's bed, putting his hands on his shoulders.

"No, I'm fine! It's just," John looks up, tears rolling down his face. "We don't even know each other and you got beat up and you even got me this card and oh my god I'm actually crying this is so embarrassing!"

Dave lets John sniffle and wipe his tears away. And he wants to say it. He wants to tell John everything. But he's afraid. Dave is afraid that John will push him away. He's afraid he'll come off as creepy. Hell, even he thinks he's creepy. So he doesn't. He just sits there and waits.

"Hey, Dave… Let's be friends," says John, smiling at Dave with that goofy, buck-toothed smile. Dave stares at John, his emotions going haywire. There it was. The first step on a dangerous journey.

"Nah, let's be enemies, since I got my ass handed to me, trying to get your glasses back. Here sir, your plush rump on a silver platter!" Dave rolls his eyes. John laughs and throws his arms around Dave's neck, causing him to flinch.

"Thanks, Dave," he whispers. This was not how Dave had pictured the situation to be like. He had always imagined it a bit more romantically, although that was pretty stupid. However, this was good. This was very good. He puts a hand on John's back.

"Well, I better get going. I'll be getting ready to have my ass kicked again by my bro for being late." Dave pulls away from the embrace, although quite reluctantly. As Dave gets up to leave, John stops him. He gets off the bed and goes over to a drawer and is digging around. Finally, he pulls out a pair of aviator sunglasses.

"Here, you can have these," he says, offering them to Dave. "To hide the black eye. And… as a small thank you gift. Um, it's the best I can do for now!"

"No…" Dave starts. "They're… really cool. Thanks, Egbert." He puts them on and flashes John a thumbs up of approval. "See ya' around."

"Bye, Dave." John replies, closing the door behind him.


End file.
